


My Hellevator

by BlazersEtc



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Dark side of the Kpop industry, M/M, No non-con between NCT members, Romantic Yutae, Taeyong & Jungwoo friendship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-08
Updated: 2019-12-25
Packaged: 2020-10-12 21:10:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20570951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlazersEtc/pseuds/BlazersEtc
Summary: Taeyong only wants what's best for his team.  NCT is on top of the world and growing every day, but that means more and more work for their leader-and sometimes, that work isn't what it's cracked up to be. Thankfully Yuta, Mark and Jungwoo are there to help Taeyong through it-some more than others.





	1. Intro

**Author's Note:**

> I based this on the story of Jang Ja Yeon and other's like it that recently started popping up more and more online and by the statement made by several ex-kpop idols that they were forced to give sexual favors in exchange for brand deals and career advancements. This will be a dark but (hopefully realistic) fic. It is written by someone who has been sexually assaulted, so nothing here is meant to be 'dramatized' but more realistic. This will be a Taeyong centered fic with Yutae included, though more Yutae will happen as the fic progresses. There may be graphic flashbacks, though not long scenes of non-con. 
> 
> With that said, you have been warned for the content of this fic. Please read responsibly. You know what you can handle, if this is not for you then please close the tab now.

Sunlight landed on Taeyong's face, warming his skin just enough to feel good without burning. It was cool outside still but the hints of spring were everywhere. Even in the city of Seoul, as busy and urban as it was, the cherry blossoms in the park were blooming, small birds chirping in their branches. It had rained last night, the streets and walkways were already dry, and the air smell fresh- or at least as fresh as it got in the downtown area. Taeyong hadn't noticed however, because he was too busy holding his breath.

He knows it's a bad habit, Mark had pointed it out to him several times while in rehearsal that when he's too focused on something he forgets to breathe, but it's hard to stop a habit you don't realize you're doing. Taeyong takes a deeper breath than usual as he walks through the street to make up for it, following the flow of traffic on the crosswalk on autopilot. He's only vaguely aware of the security team a few feet away, but he tries to pretend, just for a moment, that he's fully alone.

This morning had been more than he'd wanted to deal with and he needed time to decompress, but as was almost always the case there would be no time alone for Taeyong anytime soon. As it was they were running a few minutes late for rehearsal and the team seemed to pick up their pace all at once, a silent agreement. It wasn't his fault, the meeting had taken longer than he'd guessed and he was keeping a quick pace to get there as fast as possible. He'd already texted Mark, telling him to start practice without him and that the team would be there soon, but he couldn't help but feel guilty for not being there. He was the leader after all, it was his job to be the example, no matter the circumstances.

As they neared the SM Building, several blinding flashes went off and Taeyong plastered a fake smile on his face for the cameras, waving a little as they entered the building. Some days he was lucky enough to evade the fans and photographers that tended to stop by but on others, he was immortalized for the entire internet to see. As soon as he was out of camera view his smile dropped and he stepped into the elevator, taking another deep breath and closing his eyes for a second.

He didn't have time to worry about this right now. Right now he needed to be a leader to his group. Tour was coming up and they had to be flawless if they wanted the international fans to support them. He forced his thoughts into the back of his mind and opened his eyes as the elevator dinged, letting him know they'd hit the studio floor. He stepped out of the elevator, making a beeline for the practice room.

Later. He reminded himself, Later.


	2. Swallow The Dark

Taeyong makes it through practice without anyone asking questions. His manager watches him a little more closely than usual but he's not obvious about it and Taeyong loses himself in the process. He shuts off his mind and lets his body work, focusing on landing on his marks and keeping his spacing. By the time they're finished with their four hour practice he's drenched in sweat and his limbs feel like jelly- but he doesn't want to stop. If he stops, then he'll feel again, his brain will turn back on and he's not ready for that. 

He doesn't have much of a choice though, because when Johnny suggest they take a break for lunch, everyone is already halfway out the door. Taeyong tries to ignore the rumbling in his stomach as he excuses himself from the groups outing, "I think I'll stay back. I want to get this transition worked out before you guys get back so that we can get straight into it." 

"Yo, dude, you gotta eat man." Mark's voice cuts through the chatter of the group, too used to taking care of Dream, Mark's always making sure everyone is taking care of themselves. It's endearing, Taeyong thinks, but today he can't hadnle anyone looking at him that closely, so Taeyong shakes his head. 

  
"I'll just grab something from the fridge." Taeyong isn't going to tell Mark that he doesn't feel like eating, that his stomach might empty at the sight of food, because Mark will have a million questions for him, especially if he finds out that the Ice Cream Ten bought him that morning is still in the freezer completely untouched. 

"If you're sure, hyung." Mark looks like he wants to say more but Haechen is pulling at his arm, whinging something about Taeil not paying attention to something he said, and dragging Mark away. Taeyong's manager excuses himself as well, letting Taeyong know he'll be back for their evening meeting before heading down to the cafe to get lunch. Finally, Taeyong is alone. 

Taeyong's shoulders slump the moment the group is gone, suddenly feeling far more exhausted than he'd like. His hands are shaking as he reaches for his bag and suddenly he doesn't want to keep practicing anymore. The mirrored walls seem to be pressing in on him and the bright lights make him feel too exposed. He throws his bag over his shoulder and flees from the practice room, making his way down the hall and to the elevator. Suddenly everything is too bright, too busy, and too jarring. 

He waves his ID card across the scanner and takes the elevator to the top floor where their dorm is located, making a beeline for his room. He sits his bag down on his bed and takes a shaky breath, suddenly he feels like he can't stand his own skin, like he wants to claw it off. He moves to grab his shower caddy from it's place by the dresser and heads to the bathroom. He doesn't bother turning on the light, instead he moves to turn on the water and waits for it to heat up, leaning against the counter and taking deep breaths, trying to remind himself to breathe the way Jungwoo taught him when he over excitedly shared his bedtime meditation with him. It doesn't help now,he's too keyed up to properly focus and he strips out of his clothes with trembling fingers. He puts the clothes in the hamper, not wanting to see it thrown on the floor, and steps under the warm spray, muscles jumping as they start to relaxing from their over-use. 

It should be relaxing. Taeyong is always able to clear his mind in the shower-but today it's different. Today the water seems to overload his senses instead of washing away his stress. Taeyong reaches for his shampoo and gently cleans his hair, trying to focus on the feeling of the bubbles in his hair instead of the stress he's feeling coursing through his body. He rinses the cleanser out and moves onto washing his body.  
  
It's easier in the dark, in the dark he can feel the soap on his skin, the warmth sliding over his tight muscles that forces them to relax, but he can't see. He doesn't have to see the scratches on his hip bones or the way his collar bone is bruised purple, just low enough to be hidden under his t-shirt. In the dark it disappears, in the dark he can pretend everything is normal. At least for as long as he can stay in the shower. Which turns out to not be as long as he'd like. 

He scrubs his entire body twice before he gives up and rinses off, wrapping a towel around himself as he steps out of the shower. He dries off quickly, the chill of the dorms a bit too much for him and his small frame, and dresses without turning on the light. When he's completely clothed again he steps out into the hallway, feeling less disgusting than before- but not himself either. He makes his way back to his room and sets his caddy back down in it's place. He jumps and almost lets out a scream when he sees Yuta lounging on his bed, air pods in and staring up at the ceiling. 

A few months ago the sight wouldn't have surprised him, he and Yuta had been roommates after all, but now Taeyong has his own room. He still wasn't sure why he'd been given his own room while everyone else was still sharing with a manager or other member, but he figured it would be easier to hide his secret if he didn't share a bedroom with someone. 

"You scared me." Taeyong chuckled nervously at Yuta, who didn't react to Taeyong's movement at all. 

"I didn't even move." Yuta protested with a grin on his face. Even when Taeyong felt like hell warmed over, Yuta managed to calm him down a bit and he could feel himself relax slightly. 

"I wasn't expecting you to be back yet." Taeyong confessed, moving to sit on the edge of his bed. 

Yuta shrugged, "We got food, ate and came back. We were gone for a while. I brought you this." Yuta moved to grab a bag off the bedside table and pressed it into Taeyong's arms. "I knew you would be too busy to remember to eat so I figured you might want this."

Taeyong opened the bag, curiosity getting the best of him. Inside was a to-go container of his favorite Kalguksu and Taeyong felt a warmth spread through his stomach. He appreciated the gesture but he really wasn't in the mood to eat, his stomach however, seemed to disagree and betrayed him by choosing that moment to growl loudly. 

"Guess I was right." Yuta grinned up at Taeyong who flushed lightly and pulled the container out, not wanting to offend Yuta by not taking at least a few bites. 

"Thanks Yuta." Taeyong's voice was quiet and he reached for the chopsticks in the bag and he carefully pulled the lid off, hands trembling less than before but still unsteady. 

Yuta frowned a little and pulled his air pods out, rolling onto his side to look up at Taeyong. "You know if something is going on, you can talk to me, right?"

Taeyong looked down into his container of soup, knowing that if he looked into Yuta's eyes and saw the sincerity there he would break-and he couldn't share this with anyone, not even his best friend. No matter what they'd shared with each other, this was his own struggle, Yuta didn't need to be burdened too. 

"Yeah, I know. I'm just tired. I didn't sleep last night and this tour has me stressed out. We have so much new choreography to learn and it's coming up faster than I thought it would." Taeyong tried to make his excuse sound genuine and Yuta looked closely at his face before deciding to accept Taeyong's answer, thought Taeyong knew this wasn't something Yuta was going to drop anytime soon. 

"Don't worry so much. We always get it done on time. You'll see. We just have to get Johnny to stop staring at Mark's ass long enough for him to learn." 

Taeyong laughed loudly at that, caught a bit off guard and surprising himself a little by how easily Yuta had made him laugh. Yuta always knew how to make him feel better. 

"If that's all we have to do then....we're doomed." He grinned and took a bite of his food, which caused Yuta to smile wider. 

"Hey, we've gone against worse. Or did you forget that Ten almost forgot half of Baby Don't Stop during our higher ups review because he was too busy staring at your ass?" 

Taeyong blushed at that and Yuta laughed loudly, ruffling Taeyong's hair. 

"It's understandable. I can't blame him." Yuta winked playfully, and Taeyong's blush deepened. Yuta ha a habit of flirting with his members and while everyone else seemed to be used to his antics, Taeyong still couldn't stop his face from heating up when Yuta used his charms like that on him. 

Taeyong shook his head, "You are going to get us in trouble one day, if you keep talking like that." 

Yuta's eyes twinkled a little, and Taeyong's eyes widened. "That wasn't a challenge Yuta!" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for sure a long delayed update. There's a lot coming in this story and i re-wrote the entire lead up to the middle of the fic about 6 times before going with this version. Hopefully updates will be faster from here on out (and they will definitely be MUCH longer). 
> 
> Just a friendly reminder that from here on out, this fic will get darker and there will be a lot of angst and a lot of discussion and flashbacks for the tagged warnings. So if you're not comfortable with those tags, I'd recommend closing out of this fic now. 
> 
> Happy holidays!

**Author's Note:**

> This is just my short little intro to this fic but I will try to keep it updated often. I'm not sure how many chapters it will be, I tend to be a go with the flow type of writer but I will try and keep them a decent length. Thank you for reading! I look forward to sharing this story with you all!


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